I am fairly certain that this will be one of my last posts. We're all going to die soon, I have not doubt about it. The end is nigh. nigher than nigh. The nighest ever. The reason - it is November 9^th - and the high temperature in Indiana is seventy-two degrees. The normal for this time of year is much, much, much colder than that. The naysayers and hippies will say enjoy the niceness. I say, screw you, we're going to DIE!!!! Maybe not this minute or the next, maybe not tomorrow, hell maybe not this week, but soon enough. Don't bother trying to rocket a kid off into space, stocking up on dry goods, or praying to your false idol, there is nothing that can be done.

Of course, I could be wrong about this whole world go kablooey thing. I have been wrong about it in the past. The most recent time that I thought the world was going to end was when Ronald Reagan died and Smarty Jones lost his bid for the Triple Crown on the same day. I just kept expecting a worm hole to open up in the sky and a meteor would pop out of it and annihilate us all. I looked up at the damn sky for a week and nothing. You would at least think that would have been the death knell for the American Dream, but then a man named Obama cradled us in his arms one fateful Tuesday and made it all better. A few summers ago I thought the world was going to end when around the same time Britney Spears announced that she was not a virgin and Kobe Bryant was accused of rape. Our nation's princess was soiled and one of its knights had fallen from grace. Again, though, nothing. Everyone accepted that Britney was a whore and it now looks like Kobe got off in another way. Another time, while I was in class a friend of mine simply walked in wearing a black coat. It just didn't set right with me and I was sure I was heading to my grave. The list goes on and on - Bob Knight being fired, geese attacking a car, etc. - and every time we're all still standing. Despite my miscues, I am certain that I am right this time. I should be freezing the minute I step outside, instead I find myself waiting a moment before I get into my Jeep, enjoying a fresh breeze. No matter how nice that breeze was, it is tainted with death. We are just so screwed.

Having once again accepting the world's fate, the questions will be if this apocalypse will completely wipe us out or whether some will survivor and try to rebuild. If it is the latter, I like my chances of surviving. First, I generally don't like people, so I got that why, out of all the nice people in the world, did he survive factor going for me; Second, I primarily eat microwave food (hey! I’m in college) and I am sure that has screwed up my system enough to withstand a nuclear winter, if that is the apocalypse of choice, plus such food will be the only edible thing that makes it past our darkest days, say good bye to plants; Third, when it all goes down, more likely than not I'll be at home so it is less likely that I will be trampled by a crowd or have debris fall on me. In fact, if I do survive, I would be a good candidate for queen in the post apocalyptic world (since all post apocalyptic worlds in the movies seem to revert to feudal times). Queen Amanda . . . makes me sort of want it all to end sooner rather than later.

Anyway, since every word I write is closer to my last, which is true regardless if the Earth's core explodes, or freezes over, or freezes over then explodes today or sixty years from now, I implore you to enjoy these end of days, go out and loot the hell out of your town or city. Get me a Hi-Def flat screen TV while you're at it. It's not like money will be worth anything down the line when most of you and probably me will be dead. And if I survive and become king, chimpmunks will be currency, not that stupid regular money. Why would most humans die in the apocalypse, yet chimpmunks will thrive - uh, they just will.